This book is excellent for lovers of Nicola Yoon and perhaps Rainbow Rowell.
What we have is mixed race girl, half white half Japanese, named Kiko, who is living with her white mother. She also has two brothers who live with them; one older, Taro, and one younger, Shoji. Her parents have divorced. Her mother is a manipulative, narcissist who insists on belittling her children while pretending to outsiders that she is a great mother. They have all come up with coping mechanisms and Kiko's seems the least effective. Kiko yearns for a mother's love and approval neither of which her mother seems ever likely to give. This has lead to anxiety and insecurity for Kiko.
What we have is mixed race girl, half white half Japanese, named Kiko, who is living with her white mother. She also has two brothers who live with them; one older, Taro, and one younger, Shoji. Her parents have divorced. Her mother is a manipulative, narcissist who insists on belittling her children while pretending to outsiders that she is a great mother. They have all come up with coping mechanisms and Kiko's seems the least effective. Kiko yearns for a mother's love and approval neither of which her mother seems ever likely to give. This has lead to anxiety and insecurity for Kiko.
Kiko had a best friend when she was younger, Jamie, who started out as her older brothers friend, but they quickly discovered that they had more in common even if he is a year older. She still thinks about him often; she still misses him. The one thing that Kiko does without prompting is work and her art. She dreams of going to an elite art school, Prism.
Emery is Kiko's new best friend, since Jamie and his family moved away years ago, and she is the opposite of Kiko. She makes Kiko engage in life way more than Kiko would on her own. One activity she convinces Kiko to attend is the last party of their senior year of high school. Where she, of course, runs into her old friend, Jamie. She becomes convinced that he's not interested in being friends with her based on her interpretation of his gestures. She's used to people telling her that they can't hang with or date "girls like her." Meaning she's too Asian and not the pretty kind according to them...and her mother.
He eventually convinces her that he still wants to be friends and even acts as though he would want more. A lot more, but Kiko puts the kibosh on it because in her mind he could never really find her attractive and she would hate to end up losing him as a friend now that she's found him again.
***Missssttttaaakkkkkeeeee. I understand not wanting to mess up a friendship, but if you're not a terrible person how awful would you really end up being toward your longtime best friend. But what do I know? I've never dated a friend.***
We find out that she was sexually assaulted by her mother's brother when she was younger on more than one occasion and her mother decides that she will let Uncle Luke come stay with them anyway. She told her mother about the things her uncle had done around the time it happened, but her mother basically treated her like she was the criminal. Her parents divorced not long after she revealed what her uncle had been doing so she believes her parts divorce is mostly her fault. Kiko finally takes control of her life because she refuses to stay at the house with the uncle after it seems like he is trying to get back up to his old tricks.
She goes to stay with Jamie at his family's home in town. She finds out she didn't get into Prism and decides that maybe she will go with Jamie to California for a while to check out other art schools that she may want to attend. The whole time she's at Jamie's house with his parents she assumes they don't want her there even though Jamie tells her that they have their own issues that have nothing to do with her.
While in California with Jamie, checking out schools, she meets an artist, Hiroshi, who becomes her mentor. She can't believe her luck and doubts that he actually wants her there every step of the way. He brings her into the his family and his wife and 2 daughters love her, too. She tries to figure out a way to stay in California and possibly apply to Prism, which is in New York, the next year. Her mentor's wife, Mayumi, offered her a job at the cafe she owns, and a place to stay in the studio above the cafe at a discounted rate. Everything starts to look up even though her mother tries to make her second guess and doubt all the good things that are coming her way.
Then, after a particularly awful call from her mother on a day that she was so happy, Jamie decides he can't let her mother ruin the good vibe of the day, and crosses the line from friendship into other. Everything seems to be going her way, finally. Only not. Of course, happiness is very short lived particularly when you're not used to things going your way. She finds out that Jamie's parents moved away and sort of forced him to lose contact with her because her mother cheated with his dad. She becomes even more upset, unfairly so, because Jamie knew about it and didn't tell her. Telling him, that all the while she thought she was the reason for the divorce.
Then, she finds out that Shoji tried to kill himself. She was already worried because he had called her asking about possibly moving in with their dad, previously, but he wouldn't explain himself further. She had never thought he was that miserable. At this point she rushes home still mad at Jamie and needing to support her brother. Their father finally steps up and takes Shoji home with him, his new wife, and their twin daughters; Shoji and Kiko's sisters. She stays with her mother while she's home and ends up confronting her about Jamie's dad and the fact that her mom insinuated all these years that she, Kiko, was the cause for the separation and not her own cheating that caused the break up. Her mother also breaks the news that she never even told their father about her uncle's assault on her. Further proving what a terrible mother she is and why Kiko should cut her losses with this old bat, in my opinion.
She finally goes to stay with her dad. She's not talking to Jamie this whole time.
***I think not talking to him is a big mistake. He doesn't have to be a crutch just because she felt like sh needed on in her other best friend, Emery.***
She realizes she's not mad about him not telling her about her mom and his dad; she just doesn't want to use him as a crutch anymore. She wants to learn to stand on her own without a best friend or a boyfriend guiding her through life.
***I think not talking to him is a big mistake. He doesn't have to be a crutch just because she felt like sh needed on in her other best friend, Emery.***
She realizes she's not mad about him not telling her about her mom and his dad; she just doesn't want to use him as a crutch anymore. She wants to learn to stand on her own without a best friend or a boyfriend guiding her through life.
She eventually gets a call from a Prism admissions officer telling her that she has *mostly* been accepted into Prism, but for the next school year since the program she "applied" for is filled for the year. He tells her that she wasn't accepted for painting, but her drawing application was accepted. He tells her that Hiroshi made a call on her behalf after her work was received. She had been so focused on getting in for painting because she felt her drawings were too raw and unpolished. She realizes that Jamie must have sent her work in, applied for the program, and convinced her mentor to write a recommendation, in secret. She decides that she's going back to California to work, work on her art, and save for New York.
She doesn't contact Jamie for SIX MONTHS after she gets back to California. She doesn't fully explain she just shows him a painting she worked on detailing her life with and without him. Depicting how she felt about their friendship as friends, what they become, and what she hopes they will be going forward. He understands.
I really, really liked this book. It touched on some heavy subjects without going into a lot of details which I liked. I felt this book depicted anxiety and uncertainty about how people receive you in your day to day life, excellently. So many of Kiko's thoughts resonated with me. Even though in the book she was absolutely incorrect in what she thought people were thinking about her.
